Social rules are different in every culture. In America, we are very, um, polite when it comes to select matters. There are things that you just don't talk about in certain company, things you don't mention. You would tell someone (maybe) that they have something hanging from their nose or that their fly is down, but even that would be done with some awkwardness for most. But I would never, ever say to someone I haven't seen in a while, Wow, you've really put on some weight!. And if someone ever commented on my weight in such a way, I would be very upset and offended, even if it were true.
Well, that got challenged while living in Turkey. As I hung out with women, I noticed that it was very common to talk openly about weight gain or loss. In my home culture, we tended to only talk about loss. In my new culture, I was shocked to hear people openly commenting on weight gain. At first, no one ever commented on my weight...but then we got comfortable with each other. When we moved overseas, I was about 35 pounds heavier than I am now. I was heavier than was healthy for my frame, but I ate "healthily" (according to the USDA pyramid) and exercised. I figured the weight I was at was just where I would stay. Having a rather traumatic history of a severe bout of anorexia nervosa at the ages of 13 and 14, I had worked hard over the years to get comfortable with my body however it was. I did not want to slide back down the slippery slope into obsessive exercise and weight loss. I didn't weigh myself, and I tried to be positive about my body image. Having had 2 kids, and being in my early 30s, I figured that my body just was how it was, and I accepted that. One day while having tea with some women after being in the country for a few months, one of the women commented on the fact that I had a "fat stomach". Now I was still getting comfortable with the language, so I thought surely I heard that wrong! I asked her to repeat what she had said, and sure enough, she was talking about my belly. She proceeded to recommend that I lose 8 kilos (about 18 pounds), all the while looking me up and down with great scrutiny. I felt my face turn scarlet. I was horrified. I managed not to cry...but I wanted to. We ended up laughing it off and moving on in the conversation, but that comment had stung. I went home and cried later. To be honest, that conversation, while shocking to me, taught me an important lesson: discussing weight, while it can be done in a mean and insulting way, can also be a way of expressing care for someone. My friend was not trying to deride me or hurt me. She was simply nudging me towards taking better care of myself. And at the end of the story, it was effective. It took me a few weeks to accept her criticism, but I finally let myself see it. I took an honest look at myself in the mirror, and I knew I had some weight to lose. I bought a scale and decided to trust in myself and my recovery from anorexia. I set a weight goal. I moved more and ate less, and I managed to drop 10 pounds. I felt better. (The rest of my weight loss would come after finally getting away from USDA Pyramid-based dogma, but that's another story.) My neighbors watched my weight loss with interest. They commented. It was annoying most of the time. But I began to understand their interest in my health and appearance, and I got used to it. By the time we left, I was completely unfazed by weight-related comments. I heard them thrown around enough that I actually grew to appreciate them. I, personally, still never could have said to someone, Have you gained a few kilos? but I understood the spirit behind it when I heard it being said. If we could see outside the skin what excessive fat is doing inside the body, I think we'd all be a lot more motivated to talk openly with the people we love and care for about weight issues. The fact is that when humans are at their optimum weight, they are healthier. Being overweight, for many people, leads to disease and dysfunction, dependence on medications, side effects of those medications, less productivity, higher health care costs, etc. I believe that healthy people build healthy communities, and healthy communities can be more effective in making things better the world over. I am thankful for my friend's honesty that day, though it stung at the time. It challenged me to make myself healthier, and that has made all the difference.
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AuthorI'm Emily. I currently work in online education management, but I also have a Masters degree in Nutritional Sciences (my true passion). In addition, I am a mom, cook, avid reader, novice gardener, and enjoy all kinds of outdoor activities. On my blog, you will find articles on food, fitness, weight management, and eating issues. ALL recipes on my blog are gluten-free. Many are low-carbohydrate. Most are grain free. Enjoy! Categories
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